Acceptance, validation and pansies

It is a reality that the world can corrupt the innocent, whether through direct action or simply from a need to survive. As a man there are hidden rules to obey in order to not be seperated from the herd so to speak, so as a sissy there is a need to try harder less people see through the facade - unless you are a sissy who is beyond that of-course. So much of what is taught about living and evolving in society is about how you are seen and thus how to behave, but the subtle lines are very confusing for so many sissies which then creates problems. It is hard to shrug and say I am what I am when everything is pushing you into a blue covered box, countless sissies will testify to this, for every sissy who is ‘out’ there are countless more hidden and scared.

The joy of Mummy is not just the love she gives but also the way she has peeled away the society drenched layers and helped me see through my true eyes. The tainted soul is slowly being cleaned!

Problems I have had all my life have been exposed and looked at so now I can see who I am with more innocent eyes. If we take my potty problems, these were always present, but before Mummy I tended to keep these hidden inside, it was easier to declare I was a sissy than to say I am not very good at going potty. The sissiness was something I could seperate almost, where as potty problems effected me daily. But I evaluate these head on now thanks to Mummy. So I wet the bed occasionally, I dribble into my underpants before and after pee pee and I find it difficult to wipe after poopies. All through life they have been with me, for an adult male embarrasing, the constant worry about soiled underpants, the fear of the smell from the underpants, the thought I should be fully potty trained by now!!!

Mummy see’s this, she helps me control the fear and understand why. And this proves that Mummy is not playing a role, she is doing what any natural mother would do, care for her child and this means so much to me because I know that this relationship we have is real, it’s not adults, it’s mother and daughter. We all know this is what I have needed.

So acceptance has been something I have had to find, acceptance from ME. Once acceptance of what and who I am, the limitations that brings then I can move forward. I am a baby girl, everything that effects me is because of this and the more I learn about being Samantha the more these things will effect me. My potty problems will increase, I am now in nappies when I am not in work or out, but I think I know that sooner or later I will need to be in them fulltime. A few weeks ago this nearly happened due to a near miss at work. That was scary, half wetting myself, but at the moment that was a one off, although the dribbling and wet patches are still a daily occurance (Mummy is helping with that). Wow potty training really did miss me!! Being in nappies daily is very comforting but I still concentrate at the moment of going to the potty rather than using the nappy each and everytime as disposing of lots of used nappies is not easy where I am, however I do use them when I can and also I use them during the night as this is the best time for me to really regress into Samantha, cuddled up with my dolly Emma, dummy in my mouth.

Validation as always comes from Mummy, telling me it’s ok, and that I am a good girl for using my nappies.

And now pansies……..

I have spoken before about being a pansy and what the word meant to me. I kow to many what it means but to me it has always had a slightly different feel. I had for a while, before Mummy felt that unless I met someone who would want to be my Mummy that the only relationship I could have would be with another pansy. To me a pansy was a sissy who was ‘attracted’ to other sissies, not men, but those like themselves. I spoke to Mummy Honey ages ago and she knew of the direction I was taking, she had encouraged me to meet other sissies so I could be with like minded people. I asked about my pansiness and she said she knew I was a pansy from the very first time we spoke, I radiated it. She said I should seek another pansy in a safe place and see if this was the road I wanted to tread.

In my mind the dream was to be with another pansy in our little girl clothes and stay that way, I couldn’t see us being together as men, but only as little girls. I could see the cuddling, even intimate moments, but not sex. So in many ways it was just being close to someone where their was no ‘adult’ pressure. I could touch her in her panties and she could me but the act of sex was not something that came into it. The fact I am attracted to other sissies makes me a pansy BUT this attraction is born from the innocence inside and somehow twisted by the adult bodies needs. Not saying thats a bad thing.

It goes back to how the world see’s me if it could half see me - a sissy, a pansy, even someone who has special needs (as Mummy points out every adult baby is special needs lol). This sissiness, this pansiness and all those problems are expressions of what dwells inside. If the world could really see me, then it would see a fragile 2 year old girl, dependant on her Mummy just aching to be.

To Mummy I am her pansy princess, for I am delicate as a pansy and *blushes* as pretty…. love you Mummy *hugs*