The child with an adult in her eyes

Do you remember your childhood? Is it a blur, is it vivid? Do you REALLY remember your childhood, not just through your childhood eyes as if watching a blurry re-run but do you feel your childhood that was yet to be stained by adulthood?

For eternal children it never fades it just gets buried under a light covering of ‘what is expected and what we need to survive’, it surfaces every now and then, pushes it’s way out as if breaking through a layer of ice and says hello. Recognizing yourself as an eternal child, a little, does bring comfort in the adult world but also brings it’s fair share of fear. Sometimes the world seems so big, so scary, people that could be a good 10, 15 years younger seem like the responsible adult you need to ask help from, they know better because they are older, which in reality they kind of are.

For a sissy little like me, that childish nature is mixed up because as a genetic child I didnt understand my emotions and feelings, so played as a boy fairly happily and now the child seeks total dominance, there is a kind of mish mash of needs that Mummy helps to make sence of. I may be a 2 year old girl inside but I still need to learn to be her.

So the frustrations of adulthood would seem so minor to any adult but seem giant to me. Why cant I go sleepy when I am tired? I’m sleepy now! Why do I have to go on the potty? I’m playing!! Why cant I wear a dress? I’m a girl!!

Because the eternal child is not playing little but is more escaping to a true state, the adult world can be a tough place and of course there are no help lines to call, no-one is going to nod and say they understand, unless they are aware of that world. The one thing I have felt is it is easy to relenquish adult than re-gain it. When I am in my nappies, I have to fight myself so hard to change them, it doesnt matter they are soaked, I feel safe, why do I have to take them off? And so the need for Mummy to take control and guide me to the changing mat and lovingly change me becomes so more real each time.

For an adult baby, going potty should never be a thought or worry and however disgusting someone from outside our world may view it, going tinkles and poopies in a nappy is just as natural as any real baby. Sure there are those who do it for very different reasons and so what, up to them, but for real adult babies it is just a natural act.

And this is the thing, remembering childhood is not really an issue for an eternal child because they are just living it still everyday, they will never grow up emotionally it’s not possible, they will cope with adulthood as best they can but inside they will always be children. So if you ever see an ‘adult’ behaving like a big kid, maybe, just maybe you have spotted an eternal child! Maybe you have spotted me!!