I received a lot of comments from Joanne-chan and thought that she deserved a post all to herself. If you click on the image above, taken from her blog (hope that’s ok), it will direct you there.

Since I started this blog, I have met many wonderful people all with their own unique outlook on life and what drives them to do what they do. For myself I have needed an identity, a label if you like to help me fit in the other realm, to justify my motivation in dressing as a little girl. Some don’t need this, others do. Something Joanne-chan mentioned in a comment is something I have been thinking about again, for it is something I have touched upon many times. The word sissy.

I read on an adult baby site someones definition of the word sissy as opposed to using the term “adult little girl” and it was interesting because the basic definition used centred on sissies as more fetish oriented and more along the lines of humiliation, where as “adult little girls” are just being little girls for the love of being little girls. It is a very valid point.

Joanne-chan makes a similar point and it got me thinking, has the word sissy become a by word for the fetish extreme? Does calling yourself a sissy actually mean you want to dress as a sissy, rather than in reality be a sissy? Be yourself? Can the word only be associated with one thing?

You will notice I have said “adult little girl” rather than “adult baby girl”, this is because Samantha still reaches out to the ‘older’ ages, she still see’s 6, 9 and even 12 in her mind, it’s just she knows where her comfort zone is – 2. But more to the point, the ALG is the innocent pursuit of little girlhood, there is no agenda, it is what it is, but sissy means so many different things.

I do however still sit happy with the term sissy for myself, because in my mind the real essence of being sissy, the innocence, the inner beauty holds dear to my heart and I simply cannot abandon the word. I think Joanne-chan expresses it much better than I when referring to her own blog:

While naturally people describe themselves as they feel appropriate, I don’t use the term “Sissy” here mainly because what started out as an innocence wrapped in girlish very feminine attire has become increasingly linked with adult sexuality, that leads those used to that contemporary usage to the wrong idea about me and this blog.

And there is something so much deeper going on for ALG’s, there is a direct link back to the safety of childhood, albeit through the eyes of the other gender. My dreams were (and still are) always about the whole little girl experience, picturing my hair in long braids, wearing a simple but pretty dress, running and playing, feeling those braids bounce up and down, playing dolls, really playing dolls! Being this innocent creation that burns inside, that see’s the world how I once saw it, being free of sexual thoughts, giggling at the silliest things because thats what I do.

I guess there is a fetish side though, lurking deep and I would be dishonest to ignore it, yet it doesn’t drive me nor control me and really is just a small extension to who I am.

Whoops, seem to have gone a bit off track, this post is about a certain blog I mentioned at the start. If you are ALG then I urge you to pop by, have a read and say hello. The ALG community is quite small when compared to the sissy community, what with its complex diversity, so reach out where you can.

Thank you Joanne-chan for taking the time to comment, I loved your blog.

Ok it’s not quite as dramatic as that but something happened the other day that got me thinking. At work and don’t ask how the conversation turned to this subject because I was not listening at the time, but suddenly some people were talking about adult babies. Now in the past I would have gone bright red hearing this, my mind racing thinking I am going to give myself away, but now I am a lot calmer. Someone said they didn’t know why anyone would want to put on nappies, they could understand wanting to be a kid again, but not nappies. Most comments back were it was weird – fair enough I suppose, it is kinda weird isn’t it lol. There was no hate though which was good.

I did not offer an opion.

This was because the conversation turned quickly to something else and I guess I didn’t really want to keep it going, but it always feels funny when ‘vanilla’ people discuss something so close to me. I mean here I am (now) all dressed up as a little girl, if only they could see me now!! Still who knows, one or more could well be doing the same thing right now. Spooky!! I actually remember a few years ago, again the conversation got onto something about adult babies and fetishes etc, and one woman said, turning to me “For all we know *** goes home and wears nappies every night and pretends he’s a baby”!!! How did she know lol.

But I wonder what would you do (or have done) when topics like ours are brought up?

By the way the picture is by Christie Luv at Sissy Kiss, isn’t it adorable!!

 

Balance & acceptance

June 2, 2012

Last November I received the most sweet and kind email that I believe can help many sissies, especially adult little girls. For those of you who have followed this blog, you will be aware of my own confusions and doubts about being who I am. If you are sissy, if you like to dress as a little girl and/or a baby girl then no doubt you have had many times when you have wondered why.

No matter the path you are on, acceptance has always been the key to happiness, for once you can accept who and what you are, then you can learn to love yourself. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to change your regular existence , it just allows you to breathe in the normal world at an easier pace.

There are so many sissies out there who have the life they want, some dress on occasions and are happy with that, others seek other sissies to express themselves with and there are sissies who live more as the little girl than anything else. The point is it’s about finding what YOU are happy with and not feeling pressurised to conform to someone else’s way of life.

This is part of the email I received (I have the blessing of the person to include it here)

“My little age didn’t always stay at nine. Sometimes it went lower… much lower. I discovered the AB desires as a youngster and would fantasise about being reduced to being a dependent, dribbling, nappy wearing infant… in pretty dresses of course.

As I grew into my teens, the dichotomy of physically being a boy, but emotionally being a girl, created a massive rift in my being. I was racked with guilt, purged almost weekly. By day I wore the disguise of a rough, tough boy, and by night dreamed about being encased in frills and bows, dressing as, and being just a sweet little girl. Some days I hated what I was and wanted to be nothing but “proper boy”, but other days I wanted to be nothing but “pure sweet girl”. What a mess!”

“To answer one of your questions on your blog, and probably in your mind: yes. Yes, there are real, genuine, not-fantasy, honest-to-goodness genetic women who are attracted to, are happy with, and prefer sissies to “real men”. I’m not the only such example, there’s quite a few of us about.”

“AB, LG, Sissy?

Over the years, I’ve been absolutely convinced that I fall into each of those categories, to the exclusion of all the others. Some times I’ve wanted to be a normal genetic male, drinking beers with the lads and watching the England games. Other times, for months at a time, I’ve been convinced that I’m actually a genuine girl inside and have spurned anything and everything masculine. I spent several years more into AB than LG, nappies, bottles, dummies and the rest. I’ve spent time feeling that I’m a sissy at heart, a sissy little girly girl.

I think over the last few years I’ve learned that I’m simply me.

If I feel that I want to do bloke stuff, that’s okay. I’m not betraying myself in any way

If I want to wear dresses I do. I dress pretty in the house, sometimes for whole weeks, cuddle dollies and play girlie games. It’s no problem. If I want to suck my dummy or be given a bedtime bottle, that’s cool.

What I’ve learned is that I’ve been putting as much pressure on myself to conform to what I think I want to be, as society has placed on me by telling me what I should be.”

“I’ve found that there’s NO RIGHT and NO WRONG answer. It’s perfectly cool to be X on Monday and Y on Tuesday. Whenever I’ve tried to conform to either someone else’s agenda, or an agenda that I’ve come up with, for me it’s always ended in tears. I’ve found it better to play it loose and enjoy each day as it comes and fully enjoy the mood I’m in. “

 

I think this is just a wonderful insight to the thoughts of so many of us. I know that words will be of comfort for those who struggle with their identity. Remember YOU are unique, you can be who you want to be.

For me? Well for me balance is something I still struggle with, I will always ache to be fulltime, especially as my day to day life is not going well and I am stressed beyond measure. My sanctuary is Samantha, in her I escape. Each working day I wake, I am fearful, scared and I don’t want these feelings anymore. But enough of me….

I want to extend a thank you to the author of the email, she is a truly caring, understanding and insightful sissy

x x x

 

Still here

May 20, 2012

I’m back! It’s been a challenging few months for a variety of reasons, but there is light. So let me catch you all up…………

My relationship with mummy has changed a little, not our love, nor our bond but the way we perceive the future. A while back it came to the point when I realised I couldn’t leave my family and friends to live with her, it was a painful decision that left me sad. I felt I had let down the one person who was prepared to dedicate her life to caring for me, give me my dream and love me as Samantha.

You see, as I have said so many times, we are not and never would be a couple in the adult sense, we were and ARE mummy and daughter, simply that, adult and child. The life we had talked about and both wanted so much was a mummy and her baby. The frustration I was going through with work, trying to be an adult man, dealing with the day to day lead me to try and develop interests outside of my natural inclinations. But this lead to confusion as it has done in the past.

But I am blessed because mummy is the rarest of souls, she radiates love like the sun, she has untold wisdom, she cares, she loves. So we talked and talked and we decided to be online. I still feel guilty I cannot be with her and still dream and want it, but she is helping me find balance. She deserves to have someone in her life there with her and I would welcome that for her only because I want her to be happy beyond measure but she wants me and I cannot tell you how amazing that makes me feel.

I don’t know the future, I don’t know how things will work out, but I think at the moment our lives can breathe a little and find there own ways onto the same path. Mummy is talented in so many ways and she could make a success of anything, she inspires, she makes the impossible seem possible. I am so proud she is MY mummy.

I have also been un-well these last few months, an illness that goes back ten years. The crux of the matter is I went to see a specialist in hospital and for the first time in a long time I have a positive view on my illness – step one taken. Work has also been stressful, very stressful, but I have turned another corner. I want to do something with my life that allows me to work from home and that is be a writer. I have tried to do it in the past, but a lack of confidence and acute laziness meant I just dreamt it, but now, well now I am determined.

So today I sat at the computer for most of the day, writing and the wondrous thing was I did this in nappy, plastic panties, frilly panties, tights, bootie socks, petticoats, pink party dress and long blonde wigs with bows. And this is how I want it to be, for now, working on my writing in the comfort of my room, dressed as I should be dressed in a nappy that means I don’t have to worry about the potty.

I won’t lie, I will want, dream, need to be fulltime with mummy always, but whilst that path is temporarily closed, a different life can be achieved. The important thing, as mummy always tells me, is be Samantha as much as possible and whilst I am always Samantha, I need to BE her as much as I can and what better way than to work from home doing something I enjoy?

 

 

Do you remember your childhood? Is it a blur, is it vivid? Do you REALLY remember your childhood, not just through your childhood eyes as if watching a blurry re-run but do you feel your childhood that was yet to be stained by adulthood?

For eternal children it never fades it just gets buried under a light covering of ‘what is expected and what we need to survive’, it surfaces every now and then, pushes it’s way out as if breaking through a layer of ice and says hello. Recognizing yourself as an eternal child, a little, does bring comfort in the adult world but also brings it’s fair share of fear. Sometimes the world seems so big, so scary, people that could be a good 10, 15 years younger seem like the responsible adult you need to ask help from, they know better because they are older, which in reality they kind of are.

For a sissy little like me, that childish nature is mixed up because as a genetic child I didnt understand my emotions and feelings, so played as a boy fairly happily and now the child seeks total dominance, there is a kind of mish mash of needs that Mummy helps to make sence of. I may be a 2 year old girl inside but I still need to learn to be her.

So the frustrations of adulthood would seem so minor to any adult but seem giant to me. Why cant I go sleepy when I am tired? I’m sleepy now! Why do I have to go on the potty? I’m playing!! Why cant I wear a dress? I’m a girl!!

Because the eternal child is not playing little but is more escaping to a true state, the adult world can be a tough place and of course there are no help lines to call, no-one is going to nod and say they understand, unless they are aware of that world. The one thing I have felt is it is easy to relenquish adult than re-gain it. When I am in my nappies, I have to fight myself so hard to change them, it doesnt matter they are soaked, I feel safe, why do I have to take them off? And so the need for Mummy to take control and guide me to the changing mat and lovingly change me becomes so more real each time.

For an adult baby, going potty should never be a thought or worry and however disgusting someone from outside our world may view it, going tinkles and poopies in a nappy is just as natural as any real baby. Sure there are those who do it for very different reasons and so what, up to them, but for real adult babies it is just a natural act.

And this is the thing, remembering childhood is not really an issue for an eternal child because they are just living it still everyday, they will never grow up emotionally it’s not possible, they will cope with adulthood as best they can but inside they will always be children. So if you ever see an ‘adult’ behaving like a big kid, maybe, just maybe you have spotted an eternal child! Maybe you have spotted me!!

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year

January 1, 2012

Happy New Year to you all. I have to say 2011 was by far my best year as a sissy, as it was my first full year as Samantha and my first full year with Mummy. When I say my first full year as Samantha, I mean in that it is the first full year I have really understood who and what I am and this has been a tremendous feeling, coupled with the saftey and security I have with being Mummys daughter.

In the company of men I am a stranger, in the company of adults I am strange, for I am a female child in a mans body. WOW!! The last years, working out who I really was, was an epic internal journey, but now on the springboard to a new year I am fully aware. And so to this new year, what lays ahead? Well, whilst being aware I still have a lot to learn and what better teacher than Mummy. The key to the future is to understand what it means to be an adult child, how to cope whilst I am not with Mummy physically. Mummy helps me a lot, she makes me see that because I am an adult child, an adult baby, there are going to be things I cannot do and that I need to look for the signs and if things get to bad she will help me.

So potty problems, feeling scared and all the other issues, can be seen as small child trying to cope in an adult world. This is comforting, it really is. I have always felt I was a child inside, that I had never grown up and Mummy validated this. I can feel good about myself that I am truly a child, even though it scares me to death! I can understand that the reality to the world is, I am and always will be special needs, not to the extent you would normally associate someone with that term, but in the reality that some basic things adults do everyday I cannot do correcty. Wiping my bum (sorry for the image) for instance is hard for me, infact sometimes not pooping in my pants is a toughie. I have so many childish qualities that slip through, it’s only my natural fear of being “found out” that prevents me slipping into permanent childhood.

But Mummy understands it all, she guides me and whilst we are not together in real life, we are as close as can possibly be.

So 2011 begins to fade and I wave it goodbye, 2012 slowly awakes and I wave it hello. I AM A LITTLE GIRL for this year and the next and the next, as I am eternally Mummys baby girl. I love you Mummy

Happy New Year everyone

 

 

The Bubble

November 20, 2011

For so long the world I have dreamed of was a fantasy that only played out in my head, but since Mummy that fantasy has slowly become real. The utter compulsion to live as a little girl was always reliant on someone looking after me, because to really live as a child requires a parent. In my world there was no compromise, no part time existance and now 2 souls have joined to create this world, a dream world shared. Our world is essentially our bubble, what brings us joy, what is relevant is in our bubble. The rest of the world can go by as fast or slow as it likes for the bubble has its own agenda and that is creating a space where Mummy and daughter can live in their true roles.

There are so many alternative lifestyles out there, so many bubbles. Mine and Mummys is just another bubble floating on the breeze.

I would like just to say a quick shout out to Debbie who sent me the sweetest email. I hope you are reading this, I would love it if you got in-tocuh, I would very much like to share some of you email
x x x

 

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