New Blog On The Horizon

November 7, 2012

I have just started work on a new blog!

As many of you know this blog has been a journey for me, it has been about discovering who and what I am, finding my place in life and finding happiness. What I found was I was more complex than I had ever thought, yet also much simpler – ah paradox! Let me explain……….

There are often reasons behind the things we do, I am one of those people who seeks to analyse everything long before accepting. It’s like well I like this so I must be that, I did this because I am a so and so, but that conflicts with blah blah. Labels again people, love or hate them they can help or confuse. So the complex side, let’s say the sissiness, culminates itself because of the adult body, yet is mixed in with the simple – I am a baby girl.

So I have decided to create a new blog that is purely about the baby girl I truly am inside. I am a little, I guess a transgendered little and I want a blog that is just about that. I have a direction, yes fulltime still sits snuggly in my heart, it always will, but such are the restrictions of life a more realistic direction is something I want to aim for until I can be fulltime.

Someone once mentioned on some ‘fetish’ site that to ‘believe’ you are really a baby is bordering on insanity, that to develop a life around that, to devote time in pursuing it a worthless enterprise and a trip to a therapist was in order. Made me think, does that mean anyone with a lifestyle that doesn’t revolve the society standard of 2.4 kids, a mortgage and rows about whether to watch “I’m an asshole get me out of here” or “Come dine on me” (or whatever it’s called) should seek help. God help the adult baby who also is a train spotter!! But Mummy always showed me the reality *hugs*.

The problem as far as I can see is once again back to labels. Say the word sissy to most and I can guess the response, say ‘adult baby’ and again I can guess the response. Because both sissy and adult baby exist in the fetish world, they are seen as just that. Sure they exist in the fetish world, but at the same times elements of both do not. Because Mr A wears a nappy and a baby bonnet, plays with the toys he remembers from way back, let’s himself regress to that welcome stage of existence doesn’t mean he is then going to seek sexual gratification. He might, he might not. Thing is there are many many ‘adult’s’ who are adult babies for very non-sexual reasons.

With the new blog, I want to step away from the fetish element. I want to show the real me in a more specific way and the journey that she is taking and the destination she wants to reach. I have read some wonderful blogs from lifestyle littles and they were inspiring. One in particular showed how it was possible to live a little lifestyle while maintaining the necessary in terms of job and adult responsibilities. Creating a little environment at home, a sanctuary if you like. Also understanding that being a little was not age play, it was not escaping the adult world for a bit, it was being the child that is ever present, allowing that child inside to exist.

I am keeping this blog open, it still has relevance, it also helps me and my sissiness, pansiness and all the other elements that float around inside me. I just need to separate the little I am, explore this more and give her air to breathe.

Evie

September 27, 2012

This post is dedicated to my new friend Evie who has one of the biggest hearts.

Evie is a little, she, like me, identifies with being a child. We met online a while back and I am proud to say we have become good friends. She is genetically female but has a deep passion to help and nurture sissies/transgendered little girls, she also is caring, understanding and being a little herself understands what it is like to be this way.

We have found we are similar in many ways, our own home situations, the way we want to live, our needs and outlooks. So we can both relate to how the other is feeling.  It’s so nice to have another friend in my life, someone to chat with, a shoulder, a playmate.

Evie shares my desire to be fulltime, she wants nothing more than to be able to express the little she is. What is special to me is we have a pure little friendship, like mummy and I are adult/child, Evie and I are little/little, just two kids, two littles.

This is something I am getting more and more comfortable with, being a little, but at the same time as getting more comfortable, I am also getting more frustrated with the adult world. Work stresses me, adult conversations bore me, life scares me. Mummy was always right, I will become more in-tune with being a child as I get older. Paradox lol.

But in all walks of life we need someone to relate with and I have been blessed to meet people who I can connect with as Samantha, they don’t judge, many walk a similar path and all have hearts that are bigger than the moon. At the centre of my universe sits mummy, always and circling like satellites are those who touched me and left pink coloured fingerprints on my very soul.

Evie has a dream. Evie has a glorious dream. She wants to start a pre-school group for littles! We talked about it and it’s such a wonderful notion, create a proper pre-school environment for littles, a daycare if you will. It would be great to be able to express ones self with others, bring out the child that begs to be free in a safe place and learn to play, be silly, have fun.

Have a look at here blog here.

So my sweet little friend, I love you for being you and for being there for me. Huuuuuuuggggggggssssss

The Sissy Store

September 4, 2012

Ok so you’re a sissy, you loooove being a sissy, you want to express being a sissy. What do you do? Well you get yourself a sissy outfit!!

For the very best sissy dresses, dripping in lace and frills have a peek at the Sissy Store and watch as your eyes pop out of your head. The dresses, outfits and everything else is made of the highest quality and you will ooze when you wear them.

For every sissy, adult baby, sissy maid, prissy sissy, no matter where your sissy heart flutters, there is something for you. It has been important for me to find where we as sissies can buy the outfits that make us feel so feminine and when I first glimpsed the Sissy Store I was amazed. If you have seen Prissies Sissies then you will know what I am talking about.

So take a look and see if your fantasy outfit is waiting for you!

I received a lot of comments from Joanne-chan and thought that she deserved a post all to herself. If you click on the image above, taken from her blog (hope that’s ok), it will direct you there.

Since I started this blog, I have met many wonderful people all with their own unique outlook on life and what drives them to do what they do. For myself I have needed an identity, a label if you like to help me fit in the other realm, to justify my motivation in dressing as a little girl. Some don’t need this, others do. Something Joanne-chan mentioned in a comment is something I have been thinking about again, for it is something I have touched upon many times. The word sissy.

I read on an adult baby site someones definition of the word sissy as opposed to using the term “adult little girl” and it was interesting because the basic definition used centred on sissies as more fetish oriented and more along the lines of humiliation, where as “adult little girls” are just being little girls for the love of being little girls. It is a very valid point.

Joanne-chan makes a similar point and it got me thinking, has the word sissy become a by word for the fetish extreme? Does calling yourself a sissy actually mean you want to dress as a sissy, rather than in reality be a sissy? Be yourself? Can the word only be associated with one thing?

You will notice I have said “adult little girl” rather than “adult baby girl”, this is because Samantha still reaches out to the ‘older’ ages, she still see’s 6, 9 and even 12 in her mind, it’s just she knows where her comfort zone is – 2. But more to the point, the ALG is the innocent pursuit of little girlhood, there is no agenda, it is what it is, but sissy means so many different things.

I do however still sit happy with the term sissy for myself, because in my mind the real essence of being sissy, the innocence, the inner beauty holds dear to my heart and I simply cannot abandon the word. I think Joanne-chan expresses it much better than I when referring to her own blog:

While naturally people describe themselves as they feel appropriate, I don’t use the term “Sissy” here mainly because what started out as an innocence wrapped in girlish very feminine attire has become increasingly linked with adult sexuality, that leads those used to that contemporary usage to the wrong idea about me and this blog.

And there is something so much deeper going on for ALG’s, there is a direct link back to the safety of childhood, albeit through the eyes of the other gender. My dreams were (and still are) always about the whole little girl experience, picturing my hair in long braids, wearing a simple but pretty dress, running and playing, feeling those braids bounce up and down, playing dolls, really playing dolls! Being this innocent creation that burns inside, that see’s the world how I once saw it, being free of sexual thoughts, giggling at the silliest things because thats what I do.

I guess there is a fetish side though, lurking deep and I would be dishonest to ignore it, yet it doesn’t drive me nor control me and really is just a small extension to who I am.

Whoops, seem to have gone a bit off track, this post is about a certain blog I mentioned at the start. If you are ALG then I urge you to pop by, have a read and say hello. The ALG community is quite small when compared to the sissy community, what with its complex diversity, so reach out where you can.

Thank you Joanne-chan for taking the time to comment, I loved your blog.

Ok it’s not quite as dramatic as that but something happened the other day that got me thinking. At work and don’t ask how the conversation turned to this subject because I was not listening at the time, but suddenly some people were talking about adult babies. Now in the past I would have gone bright red hearing this, my mind racing thinking I am going to give myself away, but now I am a lot calmer. Someone said they didn’t know why anyone would want to put on nappies, they could understand wanting to be a kid again, but not nappies. Most comments back were it was weird – fair enough I suppose, it is kinda weird isn’t it lol. There was no hate though which was good.

I did not offer an opion.

This was because the conversation turned quickly to something else and I guess I didn’t really want to keep it going, but it always feels funny when ‘vanilla’ people discuss something so close to me. I mean here I am (now) all dressed up as a little girl, if only they could see me now!! Still who knows, one or more could well be doing the same thing right now. Spooky!! I actually remember a few years ago, again the conversation got onto something about adult babies and fetishes etc, and one woman said, turning to me “For all we know *** goes home and wears nappies every night and pretends he’s a baby”!!! How did she know lol.

But I wonder what would you do (or have done) when topics like ours are brought up?

By the way the picture is by Christie Luv at Sissy Kiss, isn’t it adorable!!

 

Balance & acceptance

June 2, 2012

Last November I received the most sweet and kind email that I believe can help many sissies, especially adult little girls. For those of you who have followed this blog, you will be aware of my own confusions and doubts about being who I am. If you are sissy, if you like to dress as a little girl and/or a baby girl then no doubt you have had many times when you have wondered why.

No matter the path you are on, acceptance has always been the key to happiness, for once you can accept who and what you are, then you can learn to love yourself. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to change your regular existence , it just allows you to breathe in the normal world at an easier pace.

There are so many sissies out there who have the life they want, some dress on occasions and are happy with that, others seek other sissies to express themselves with and there are sissies who live more as the little girl than anything else. The point is it’s about finding what YOU are happy with and not feeling pressurised to conform to someone else’s way of life.

This is part of the email I received (I have the blessing of the person to include it here)

“My little age didn’t always stay at nine. Sometimes it went lower… much lower. I discovered the AB desires as a youngster and would fantasise about being reduced to being a dependent, dribbling, nappy wearing infant… in pretty dresses of course.

As I grew into my teens, the dichotomy of physically being a boy, but emotionally being a girl, created a massive rift in my being. I was racked with guilt, purged almost weekly. By day I wore the disguise of a rough, tough boy, and by night dreamed about being encased in frills and bows, dressing as, and being just a sweet little girl. Some days I hated what I was and wanted to be nothing but “proper boy”, but other days I wanted to be nothing but “pure sweet girl”. What a mess!”

“To answer one of your questions on your blog, and probably in your mind: yes. Yes, there are real, genuine, not-fantasy, honest-to-goodness genetic women who are attracted to, are happy with, and prefer sissies to “real men”. I’m not the only such example, there’s quite a few of us about.”

“AB, LG, Sissy?

Over the years, I’ve been absolutely convinced that I fall into each of those categories, to the exclusion of all the others. Some times I’ve wanted to be a normal genetic male, drinking beers with the lads and watching the England games. Other times, for months at a time, I’ve been convinced that I’m actually a genuine girl inside and have spurned anything and everything masculine. I spent several years more into AB than LG, nappies, bottles, dummies and the rest. I’ve spent time feeling that I’m a sissy at heart, a sissy little girly girl.

I think over the last few years I’ve learned that I’m simply me.

If I feel that I want to do bloke stuff, that’s okay. I’m not betraying myself in any way

If I want to wear dresses I do. I dress pretty in the house, sometimes for whole weeks, cuddle dollies and play girlie games. It’s no problem. If I want to suck my dummy or be given a bedtime bottle, that’s cool.

What I’ve learned is that I’ve been putting as much pressure on myself to conform to what I think I want to be, as society has placed on me by telling me what I should be.”

“I’ve found that there’s NO RIGHT and NO WRONG answer. It’s perfectly cool to be X on Monday and Y on Tuesday. Whenever I’ve tried to conform to either someone else’s agenda, or an agenda that I’ve come up with, for me it’s always ended in tears. I’ve found it better to play it loose and enjoy each day as it comes and fully enjoy the mood I’m in. “

 

I think this is just a wonderful insight to the thoughts of so many of us. I know that words will be of comfort for those who struggle with their identity. Remember YOU are unique, you can be who you want to be.

For me? Well for me balance is something I still struggle with, I will always ache to be fulltime, especially as my day to day life is not going well and I am stressed beyond measure. My sanctuary is Samantha, in her I escape. Each working day I wake, I am fearful, scared and I don’t want these feelings anymore. But enough of me….

I want to extend a thank you to the author of the email, she is a truly caring, understanding and insightful sissy

x x x

 

Still here

May 20, 2012

I’m back! It’s been a challenging few months for a variety of reasons, but there is light. So let me catch you all up…………

My relationship with mummy has changed a little, not our love, nor our bond but the way we perceive the future. A while back it came to the point when I realised I couldn’t leave my family and friends to live with her, it was a painful decision that left me sad. I felt I had let down the one person who was prepared to dedicate her life to caring for me, give me my dream and love me as Samantha.

You see, as I have said so many times, we are not and never would be a couple in the adult sense, we were and ARE mummy and daughter, simply that, adult and child. The life we had talked about and both wanted so much was a mummy and her baby. The frustration I was going through with work, trying to be an adult man, dealing with the day to day lead me to try and develop interests outside of my natural inclinations. But this lead to confusion as it has done in the past.

But I am blessed because mummy is the rarest of souls, she radiates love like the sun, she has untold wisdom, she cares, she loves. So we talked and talked and we decided to be online. I still feel guilty I cannot be with her and still dream and want it, but she is helping me find balance. She deserves to have someone in her life there with her and I would welcome that for her only because I want her to be happy beyond measure but she wants me and I cannot tell you how amazing that makes me feel.

I don’t know the future, I don’t know how things will work out, but I think at the moment our lives can breathe a little and find there own ways onto the same path. Mummy is talented in so many ways and she could make a success of anything, she inspires, she makes the impossible seem possible. I am so proud she is MY mummy.

I have also been un-well these last few months, an illness that goes back ten years. The crux of the matter is I went to see a specialist in hospital and for the first time in a long time I have a positive view on my illness – step one taken. Work has also been stressful, very stressful, but I have turned another corner. I want to do something with my life that allows me to work from home and that is be a writer. I have tried to do it in the past, but a lack of confidence and acute laziness meant I just dreamt it, but now, well now I am determined.

So today I sat at the computer for most of the day, writing and the wondrous thing was I did this in nappy, plastic panties, frilly panties, tights, bootie socks, petticoats, pink party dress and long blonde wigs with bows. And this is how I want it to be, for now, working on my writing in the comfort of my room, dressed as I should be dressed in a nappy that means I don’t have to worry about the potty.

I won’t lie, I will want, dream, need to be fulltime with mummy always, but whilst that path is temporarily closed, a different life can be achieved. The important thing, as mummy always tells me, is be Samantha as much as possible and whilst I am always Samantha, I need to BE her as much as I can and what better way than to work from home doing something I enjoy?

 

 

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